Work and Office jokes

Funny jokes about work or from office, profession jokes, construction jokes, .....

jokes: 1 - 10 of 51
category: Work & Office jokes

A priest, a politician and an engineer were scheduled to be executed late in the French revolution. I has to be "public", and people are tired of all the bloodshed, so a crowd of spectators is forcibly rounded up.

The priest is brought up to the guiotine and lays down on the table. The executioner pulls the cord and the heavy steel blade descends ... then shudders to a stop in the middle of the track. The executioner is a very smart guy (which is why he is pulling the cord, rather than laying on the table) so he proclaims, "This is a sign from God, that the life of this priest should be spared!" The priest is set free to the delight of the cheering crowd.

Next the politician is brought up and laid on the table. The cord is pulled, and the blade again shudders to a halt in the same place. The executioner proclaims "The grace of God is extended even to this politician!" and the crowd goes wild with joy!

The engineer steps up last and says "You know, if you tighten that bolt, this thing will work."

70.3% like joke (684 votes)
category: Work & Office jokes

A Texas farmer was touring England. He happened to meet an English farmer and asked him, "What size farm do you have?"

The Englishman proudly announced, "Thirty-five acres!"

"Thirty-five acres?" the Texan scoffed. "Why, I can get in my truck at 8:00 AM and start driving and at noon, I am still on my farm. I can eat lunch and start driving again and at 5:00 PM I am still on my farm.

"Ah, yes," the Englishman nodded in understanding. "I had a truck like that once."

69.68% like joke (668 votes)
category: Work & Office jokes

A guy goes in for a job interview and sits down with the boss.
The boss asks him, "What do you think is your worst quality?"
The man says "I'm probably too honest."
The boss says, "That's not a bad thing, I think being honest is a good quality."
The man replies, "I don't give a sh*t what you think!"

70.72% like joke (628 votes)
category: Work & Office jokes

Q:Why is a doctor always calm.
A: Because it has a lot of patients.

70.16% like joke (615 votes)
category: Work & Office jokes

Man visits India and meets an old man in the town square who is renowned for his elephantine memory.
He asks the old man what he had for breakfast on the same day 15 years back. "Eggs," replies the old man, the man scoffs at this saying everyone has eggs for breakfast and walks away.
Ten years later he returns to India and sees the same old man on the same spot, goes to him and asks, "How?"
The old man takes one look at his face and replies, "Scrambled."

70.48% like joke (606 votes)
category: Work & Office jokes

My memory has gotten so bad it has actually caused me to lose my job.
I'm still employed. I just can't remember where.

70.88% like joke (605 votes)
category: Work & Office jokes

What are the three rules for being a plumber?

!. Hot water is always on the left.
2. Shit doesn't flow uphill
3. Never chew your fingernails.

70.64% like joke (610 votes)
category: Work & Office jokes

When Nasa first began sending astronauts into space, they were confronted by a small problem. Their standard ballpoint pens would not work in space. They spent a decade and twelve million dollars designing a pen that would work below three hundred degrees, in space, and on glass.
Russia used a pencil.

86.84% like joke (12645 votes)
category: Work & Office jokes

The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks."
"And did he?"
"Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill."

70.14% like joke (606 votes)
category: Work & Office jokes

A man walks into the doctors and the doctor says, "I've not seen you for a while."
The man replies, "Yes, I've been ill."

70% like joke (605 votes)
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