Funny school jokes

School jokes are based on the interaction between teacher and students as well as amongst students themselves. Funny school jokes are mostly situated in school, university or dormitories.

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students:
"The female dormitory is out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. The second time you will be fined $60. A third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?"
A male student inquired, "How much for a season pass?"

81.92% (17 votes)

Why did the student eat his homework?
Because his teacher said, it was a peace of cake.

78.66% (21 votes)

Teacher: Be sure that you go straight home
Student: I can't, I live just round the corner!

76.94% (22 votes)

Teacher: If you eat fish?
Student: It's good for my eyes.
Teacher: If you don't eat fish?
Student: It's good for the fish!

76.4% (16 votes)

One day the kids in Ms. Evans science class was disagreeing with her.
Ms. Evans was talking about evolution. Ms. Evans was and atheist so she didn't believe in God.
Then Johnny raised his hand and said, "But I thought God created mankind?"
Ms. Evans then replied, "Well can you see God?"
"Hear God?"
"Feel God?"
"No." This went on for quite a while.
"Well then God doesn't exist."
Then Johnny whispered back to his friend Jimmy, "Can you see Ms. Evan's brain. No, so that must not exist."

76.36% (18 votes)

teacher asked : Why are you late for school?
Johnny: Because of the Sign.
Teacher : What Sign?
Johnny : The sign that says "School ahead go slow"

75.28% (22 votes)

A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.

Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point."

The next class the professor handed the graded tests back out. This student got back his test, his test grade, and $64 change.

73.22% (17 votes)

TEACHER: Well, at least there's one thing I can say about your son.
FATHER: What's that?
TEACHER: With grades like these, he couldn't be cheating.

71.94% (12 votes)

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

71.28% (21 votes)

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.
Usually she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"

When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 'JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!"

The Teacher fainted.

69.96% (26 votes)

A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of s*x education with her fourth grade class because she realizes Little Johnny's propensity for sexual innuendo. But Johnny remains attentive throughout the entire lecture. Finally, towards the end of the lesson, the teacher asks for examples of s*x education from the class. One little boy raises his hand, "I saw a bird in her nest with some eggs." "Very good, William," cooed the teacher.

"My mommy had a baby," said little Esther. "Oh, that's nice," replied the teacher. Finally, little Johnny raises his hand. With much fear and trepidation, the teacher calls on him. "I was watchin' TV yesterday, and I saw the Lone Ranger. He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of Indians. And they all attacked at one time. And he killed every one of them with his two guns." The teacher was relieved but puzzled, "And what does that have to do with sex education, Johnny?" "It'll teach those Indians not to fuck with the Lone Ranger."

69.84% (20 votes)

Q: Have you ever heard the joke that a stupid says, "NO"???
A: "NO"!!!

69.7% (16 votes)

Heading off to college at the age of 40, I was a bit self-conscious about my advancing years. One morning I complained to my husband that I was the oldest student in my class. "Even the teacher is younger than I am," I said. "Yeah," he said optimistically, "but look at it from my point of view. I thought my days of fooling around with college girls were over!"

69.66% (15 votes)

One day the kids in Ms. Evans science class was disagreeing with her.
Ms. Evans was talking about evolution. Ms. Evans was and atheist so she didn't believe in God.
Then Johnny raised his hand and said, "But I thought God created mankind?"
Ms. Evans then replied, "Well can you see God?"
"Hear God?"
"Feel God?"
"No." This went on for quite a while.
"Well then God doesn't exist."
Then Johnny whispered back to his friend Jimmy, "Can you see Ms. Evan's brain. No, so that must not exist."

69.46% (12 votes)

Teacher:Children nothing is impossible!
A Student:Sir,then take out the tooth paste from the tube and put it back!!!

69.46% (12 votes)

Father: Son this time, you have to score 90% marks in your exams.
Son: No father I'll score 100% marks.
Father: Why are you kidding?
Son: Who started?

69.38% (11 votes)

Teacher: What makes you see?
Bobyjack: My eyes, my nose and my ears.
Teacher: True for the eyes but why for your ears and nose?
Bobyjack: It's to hold my glasses!!!

69.28% (10 votes)

Teacher: Good morning class I have a couple of riddles to start off this morning. I have something here that's round red and good to eat? Sarah: an apple? Teacher: No it's a tomato but you're thinking.
Teacher: I have something here that's yellow and odd shaped and good to eat? Michael: A banana? Teacher: No it's a pear but you're thinking.
Little Johnny: Teacher, I have a riddle. Teacher: Okay Johnny tell us your riddle. Little Johnny: I have something in my pocket that's round, hard and has a head on it? Teacher: Johnny, you go see the principal right this instant. Little Johnny: It's a nail, but you're thinking.

69.28% (10 votes)

Teacher:¨Are you sleeping in my class¨?
Student:¨Well now I´m not but if you could be a little quieter I could¨

69% (8 votes)

Son: I can't go to school today.
Father: Why not?
Son: I don't feel so well.
Father: Where does it hurt?
Son: In school.

68.36% (11 votes)

One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands for who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said. "Excellent, Michael!"

Then, the teacher called on little Johnny. "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, beautiful!'"

68.34% (21 votes)

Teacher: Who answers my next question, can go home.
One boy throws his bag out the window.
Teacher: Who just threw that?
Boy: Me and I’m going home now.

68.18% (15 votes)

Teacher: You missed school yesterday didn't you?
Pupil: Not very much!

67.92% (21 votes)

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."

Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"

"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."

"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

67.92% (21 votes)

Teacher in class: Can anyone tell me what do you get if you subtract four apples from seven apples?
John: Where are the apples?

67.84% (16 votes)

The teacher said to Danny: "Why are you in the floor?"
Danny said: "Because you said to do this Math problem without Tables."

67.48% (14 votes)

Teacher: Name two days of the week that start with "t".
Pupil: Today and Tomorrow.

67.48% (14 votes)

Teacher: Did you father help your with your homework?
Student: No, he did it all by himself.

67.42% (18 votes)

The teacher said to Merisa, "What important in the 1700's people did not have that we have Today."
Merisa said, "ME."

67.26% (13 votes)

A student is sitting at an astronomy lecture in college, when the professor mentions,
"In about 15 billion years, the sun will burn out and all life on earth will cease to exist."
"Excuse me, professor, did you say 5 billion years or 15 billion?"
"15 billion."
"whew, thanks, because I was really getting worried."

67% (12 votes)

Teacher:(I killed a person.)tell me this sentence in future tense.
Student: In future tense, (You will go to jail.)

67% (12 votes)

(Teacher was telling the students about unitary method.)
Teacher: Students, if 1 man can do a work in 6 days, 6 men can do the same work in 1 day. Did you understand?
Student : Yes, if 1 boat crosses the ocean in six days, 6 boats cross the ocean in one day.

66.68% (11 votes)

Teacher asked George: how can you prove the earth is round?
George replied: I can't. Besides, I never said it was.

66.32% (10 votes)

A female school teacher comes up to a parent at a parent meeting and says, "You know, your son called me a prostitute!"
Dad calls up his son and says: "So this teacher teaches you, helps you, wants you to get good grades and for all that you call her a prostitute?? what do you care about what she does after work?"

65.98% (21 votes)

The Teacher says to the class: Who ever stands up is stupid
*Nobody stands up*
Teacher: I said who ever stands up is STUPID!
*Little Johnny stands up*
Teacher: Johnny, do you really think that you are stupid?
Little Johnny: No Mrs, I just thought that maybe you are lonely being the only one standing.

65.86% (9 votes)

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the...
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

65.68% (11 votes)

Ms.Battle: Henry, I hope I didn't see you copying Casey's math test.
Henry: I hope you didn't either.

63.94% (17 votes)

A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly. "I would do anything to pass this exam."
She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean," she whispers, "I would do anything."
He returns her gaze. "Anything?"

His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you... study?"

63.64% (12 votes)

Studen: No I can spell EVERYTHING: E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G!

63.6% (12 votes)

Stone age: a group of children are sitting around the tree and one grown up is teaching them how to bring down the fruit with a rock.
Then all the children try to do that on their own. After everyone's done they separates into a small groups and walks home.
One of them complains, "I hate those physics".

63.6% (12 votes)

TEACHER : What is further away, Australia or the Moon?
Pupil : Australia, you can see the Moon at night.

63.6% (6 votes)

Teacher: What exactly is MATH?
Boy: Mental Abuse To Humans

63.6% (6 votes)

Q: What comes befor 8?
A: My school bus usually.

63.48% (22 votes)

Teacher: Could you please pay a little attention?
Student: I'm paying as little attention as I can.

62.46% (14 votes)

Mother: What did you learn in school today
Son: How to write.
Mother: What did you write?
Son: I don't know, they haven't taught us how to read yet!

60.28% (11 votes)

A boy from a different country goes to an English school,the teacher says, "learn THREE words for TOMORROW".Then they had science,the teacher said TAKE OFF so he remembered TAKE OFF in his head,then they went to a trip to the ZOO he sees a ZEBRA so he remembered ZEBRA in his head, then at home time he sees a BABY so he remembered BABY in his head.

the next day the teacher says,"what THREE words did U remember?" the boy goes"TAKE OFF ZEBRA BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

60.26% (15 votes)

Stacy: You know Tracy, sometimes I don't understand life.
Tracy: What do you mean?
Stacy: When we were a younger, we learnt to talk and to walk. At school, we always have to sit down and shut up...

57.96% (9 votes)

Teacher: Has anyone heard of the word expensive?
Lily: Yes!
Teacher: When?
Lily: Just right now!

56.5% (8 votes)

Mother: "How was school today, Patrick?"
Patrick: "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!"
Mother: "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?"
Patrick: "What school?"

54.52% (7 votes)

The students sat quietly in the class.
The teacher could see that they were getting bored so she decided to play a game with them.

TEACHER- OK, students, let's play a game!


TEACHER- The game's name is Answer The Question. So who would like to go first....How about you, Anne?

ANNE- OK, I'm fine with that.

TEACHER-OK, question is...what do you like about your teacher?

ANNE- Nothing.


50.94% (53 votes)