Religious jokes

Funny jokes about about religion, the church, priests, nuns, ....

jokes: 1 - 10 of 33 | 1 234next jokes
category: Religious jokes1.

Two Priests are walking down the street when a drunk man comes up to them. He says, to the first Priest," I'm Jesus Christ." The Priest replys," No son, you're not!" So he says to the second,"I'm Jesus Christ." He says,"No, son, you're not." The drunk says," Look I can prove it." He takes the two Preists into the bar.
The bartender takes one look at the drunk and says," JESUS CHRIST YOU'RE HERE AGAIN!!!"

joke rating: 3.64 of 784 votes

category: Religious jokes2.

A pastor was caught stealing in the church by a member of the church. This was the conversation between them
Pastor: Blessed are those who see and don't talk
Member: For they shall receive their share. Amen

joke rating: 3.52 of 616 votes

category: Religious jokes3.

In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth... After that, everything else was Made in China.

joke rating: 3.54 of 616 votes

category: Religious jokes4.

This man goes to confession and says, "Forgive me father for I have sinned." The priest asks if he would like to confess his sins and the man replies that he used the "F-word" over the weekend.
The priest says, "Oh okay, just say three Hail Marys and try to watch your language."
The man replies that he would like to confess as to why he said the "F-word". The priest sighs and tells him to continue.
Well father I played golf on Sunday with my buddies instead of going to church.
The priest says, "And you got upset over that and swore?"
The man replied, "No, that wasn't why I swore. On the first tee I duck-hooked my drive well left into the trees."
The priest said, "And that's when you swore."
The man replied, a little testily because of the constant interruptions, "No, it wasn't. When I walked up the fairway, I noticed my ball got a lucky bounce and I had a clear shot to the green. However, before I could hit the ball, a squirrel ran by and grabbed my ball and scurried up a tree."
The priest asked, "Is that when you said the 'F-word'?"
The man replied, "No, because an eagle then flew by and caught the squirrel in its sharp talons and flew away."
The priest let out a breath and queried, "Is that when you swore?"
The man replied, "No, because the eagle flew over the green and the dying squirrel let go of my golf ball and it landed within 5 inches of the hole."
The priest screamed, "Don't tell me you missed the f...ing putt!!!"

joke rating: 3.55 of 616 votes

category: Religious jokes5.

A grandmother is watching her grandchild playing on the beach when a huge wave comes and takes him out to sea. She pleads, "Please God, save my only grandson. I beg of you, bring him back." And a big wave comes and washes the boy back onto the beach, good as new. She looks up to heaven and says: "He had a hat!"

joke rating: 3.53 of 598 votes

category: Religious jokes6.

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square.
The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."
The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."
The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says 'Your Eminence'."
The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."
Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well .........?"
She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38" DD bust, 24" waist and 34" hips.
When she walks into a room, everybody says, "Oh My God."

joke rating: 3.54 of 597 votes

category: Religious jokes7.

A Jehovah's Witnesses knocked on my door yesterday, so I answered it and asked if he wanted to come in he said, "Yeah, okay."
I said I'm just making a cup of tea do you want one? He said, "Yeah, sure."
I said I've just made some toast do you want a slice? He said, "Yeah, why not."
I then he sat down and I asked him, "So what now?" He said, "I don't know I've never got this far before!"

joke rating: 3.53 of 597 votes

category: Religious jokes8.

Englishman, Scottish man and Irishman selling bibles door to door, they have a bet who will sell the most in a day. They meet up at end of day and Englishman has sold 2, Scottish man had sold 3, but the Irishman who had a terrible stutter says hhhee hhhee hhhad sssold ssssixty. The other two asked how did he do it.
He said, "Wwwhen Iiiii nnnnnnknock aaaat thththe ddddooor I said: Do you wwwwwant tto bbbuy a bbbbbible ooooorrr shshshould Iiii jjjust rrrread it tttto yyyyou?"

joke rating: 3.54 of 595 votes

category: Religious jokes9.

A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he's allowed to say two words every seven years.
After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says.
They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away.
Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says.
"That's not surprising," the elders say. "You've done nothing but complain since you got here."

joke rating: 3.53 of 592 votes

category: Religious jokes10.

A young curate, in his 1st charge was under the supervision of a vicar with a good sense of humour.
The Vicar was worried that the young curate seemed to have no sense of humour so one day to test him out he told the story, "You know young man, the best years of my life were spent in the arms of another man's wife."
At this news the curate was shocked.
Then the vicar said with a laugh, "Yes, the arms of my mother."
This at last raised a smile on the young curate's face.
He was to speak that afternoon to the parish Mothers union, so he thought he might begin by retelling the story as an opener.
So he began, "Ladies, you know the best years of my life were spent in the arms of another man's wife."
Then he paused, and finally said, "And for the moment I cannot remember who she was!"

joke rating: 3.53 of 594 votes

jokes: 1 - 10 of 33 | 1 234next jokes

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