God created earth and heaven, the rest was made in China.

rating: 3.51 of 862 votes

A Democrat walks into a doctor's office with a frog sitting on his head.
The frog looks at the doctor and says, "Hey doc , can you get this wart off my ass?

rating: 3.52 of 617 votes

I once meet a honest, caring, politician that listened when I spoke and tried to help the country. Then I woke up.

rating: 3.54 of 640 votes

Scientists invented a machine to catch thieves.
In 30 minutes in Canada the machine caught 10 thieves, in 15 minutes in the U.S the machine caught 5 thieves, in 3 minutes in Trinidad thieves stole the machine.

rating: 3.54 of 614 votes

A Russian captain is trying to explain to his comrades the effects of atomic bombs:
"Now, imagine 20 no, 40, no..... a 100 cases of vodka and noone to drink them!"

rating: 3.52 of 597 votes

What is the difference between a Russian optimist, pessimist and realist?
The optimist studies English.
The pessimist studies Chinese.
The realist stays home and cleans his kalashnikov.

rating: 3.54 of 592 votes

Q: In what country, where the people live are always hungry?
A: Hungary

rating: 3.51 of 602 votes

How do you know when an Asian breaks into your home?
Your house is clean, your computer is fixed, and their still pulling out of your driveway.

rating: 3.54 of 603 votes

WWhat Liberals & Conservatives Generally Do In Certain Situations

If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one.
If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn't` eat meat.
If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.

If a conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to defeat his enemy.
If a liberal sees a foreign threat, he wonders how to surrender gracefully and still look good.

If a conservative reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.
A liberal will delete it because he's "offended".

rating: 3.53 of 609 votes

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Lifeline.
I got a call center in Pakistan , and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

rating: 3.54 of 599 votes