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best collection of short funny jokes

God created earth and heaven, the rest was made in China.

70.8% like joke (941 votes)

A Democrat walks into a doctor's office with a frog sitting on his head.
The frog looks at the doctor and says, "Hey doc , can you get this wart off my ass?

70.4% like joke (633 votes)

I once meet a honest, caring, politician that listened when I spoke and tried to help the country. Then I woke up.

70.74% like joke (652 votes)

Scientists invented a machine to catch thieves.
In 30 minutes in Canada the machine caught 10 thieves, in 15 minutes in the U.S the machine caught 5 thieves, in 3 minutes in Trinidad thieves stole the machine.

70.7% like joke (619 votes)

A Russian captain is trying to explain to his comrades the effects of atomic bombs:
"Now, imagine 20 no, 40, no..... a 100 cases of vodka and noone to drink them!"

70.12% like joke (601 votes)

What is the difference between a Russian optimist, pessimist and realist?
The optimist studies English.
The pessimist studies Chinese.
The realist stays home and cleans his kalashnikov.

70.62% like joke (600 votes)

Q: In what country, where the people live are always hungry?
A: Hungary

69.38% like joke (611 votes)

How do you know when an Asian breaks into your home?
Your house is clean, your computer is fixed, and their still pulling out of your driveway.

70.56% like joke (610 votes)

WWhat Liberals & Conservatives Generally Do In Certain Situations

If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one.
If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn't` eat meat.
If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.

If a conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to defeat his enemy.
If a liberal sees a foreign threat, he wonders how to surrender gracefully and still look good.

If a conservative reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.
A liberal will delete it because he's "offended".

70.72% like joke (641 votes)

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Lifeline.
I got a call center in Pakistan , and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

70.94% like joke (617 votes)