One line jokes

A one liner is a joke that is delivered in a single line. One liners are very simple jokes popular for their short and to-the-point humor. The art of one liner jokes is that they are over extremely quickly :-)
To some people, jokes that follow the format of a question followed by an answer are also considered one-liners.

75 one line jokes
1

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any..

71.38% (624 votes)
2

Did you hear the story about the giraffe?
Forget it its too long.

70.96% (605 votes)
3

Q:Which one came first egg or chicken?
A: I don't care I just want my breakfast served.

70.94% (629 votes)
4

Q: What do you call a monkey on a mine field ?

A: a baboom

70.94% (613 votes)
5

Q: What did the dog say when he sat on the sand paper?

A: Ruff.

70.92% (596 votes)
6

Q: Whats the difference between a jeweler and a jailer?
A: One sells watches and one watches cells.

70.88% (638 votes)
7

Q: Waiter how long will the chips be?
A: About five centimeters each, I expect sir.

70.86% (597 votes)
8

Q. An ethical lawyer, an honest politician, and a merciful aerobics instructor all fall out of an airplane. Which one hits the ground first?

A. It doesn't matter - none of them exist.

70.8% (593 votes)
9

A man just got out of jail and ran down the road saying, "I'm free I,m free" and this little boy said, "Whow I'm four."

70.8% (597 votes)
10

I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse.

70.78% (613 votes)
11

Q. What's the difference between an aerobics instructor and a dentist?
A. A dentist lets you sit down while he hurts you.

70.78% (591 votes)
12

My idea of balanced diet is beer in each hand.

70.78% (593 votes)
13

Q: What happens to the man who lost his whole left side of his body?
A: He is all right now.

70.76% (595 votes)
14

An Irishman walks out of a bar.... it COULD happen.

70.76% (622 votes)
15

What's the difference between a pile of dead bodies and a Lamborghini?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

70.76% (594 votes)
16

Whats brown, made of concrete, and shits in the woods ?
A bear, just added the concrete to make it sound interesting ...

70.72% (590 votes)
17

I've never smoked marijuana in my life, because I get really sleepy afterwards...

70.72% (590 votes)
18

In America you find party, in Russia party finds you.

70.7% (593 votes)
19

Q:What did one eye say to the other eye?

A:Between you and me something smells.

70.7% (593 votes)
20

What dog can't bark?
A hot dog.

70.7% (595 votes)
21

Whats the hardest part of a vegetable?

The Wheelchair.

70.7% (595 votes)
22

Q: What is the biggest mouse in the world?

A: Enormous.

70.68% (592 votes)
23

Q: What do u find in an empty nose?
A: Finger prints.

70.68% (596 votes)
24

Q: What do you call a man who lives in an envelope?
A: Bill.

70.66% (593 votes)
25

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?

A: When the kids leave home.

70.66% (592 votes)
26

Q: Should I have another baby after 35?

A: No, 35 children is enough.

70.66% (596 votes)
27

My wife and I took out life insurance on each other -- so now it's just a waiting game.

70.64% (630 votes)
28

What did the elephant say to naked man?
How do you breath through that thing?

70.64% (591 votes)
29

Q: What do pilots eat? A: Plane biscuits.

70.64% (591 votes)
30

Q: How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?

A: If it's the flu, you'll get better.

70.64% (591 votes)
31

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes school.

70.64% (593 votes)
32

What do you get when you cross a snoman and a vampire?
Frost bite.

70.64% (595 votes)
33

Research shows that 90% of men don't know how to use condom, these people are called DADS.....

70.62% (609 votes)
34

Q. What's the difference between an aerobics instructor and a well mannered professional torturer?
A. The torturer would apologize first.

70.62% (592 votes)
35

What did the cow say to the other cow?
Nothing because they cant talk.

70.62% (596 votes)
36

What did the elephant say to the naked man?

That's cute, but can it pick up peanuts!

70.62% (596 votes)
37

Q: WHAT DO YOU CALL A HANDSOME INTELLIGENT SENITIVE MAN?
A: A RUMOR.

70.6% (621 votes)
38

Q: What's brown and sticky?
A: A stick.

70.6% (632 votes)
39

What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
The snowballs.

70.6% (593 votes)
40

Q: Whats long, hard, and full of seman?

A: A submarine.

70.58% (594 votes)
41

Q: What is the different between bird and fly?
A: Bird can fly, but fly cant bird.

70.58% (693 votes)
42

Q: What is the diffrent between a girl and a cellphone...
A: You can put a selfone on silent.

70.58% (608 votes)
43

How can you get four suits for a dollar? Buy a deck of cards.

70.56% (591 votes)
44

What do you call a cow with no legs??
Ground beef.

70.56% (590 votes)
45

Q: What do you do when you throw a clock up in the air
A: Times up!

70.56% (594 votes)
46

Q. What's the difference between a good joke and this?
A. Everything.

70.52% (592 votes)
47

I don't worry about terrorism, I was married for 12 years !

70.52% (592 votes)
48

Q: How do you torture Helen Keller?
A: Leave the plunger in the toilet

70.5% (591 votes)
49

A horse went into a bar. The barman said..."Why the long face?"

70.5% (593 votes)
50

Q: Whats big, red, and looks like a bucket?
A: A big, red bucket.

70.5% (601 votes)
51

Why did the boy throw the butter out the window?

To see a butterfly.

70.48% (596 votes)
52

What's red and white and lives in a tree?

A sanitary owl

70.46% (593 votes)
53

Whats the only positive thing about Kenya?
HIV.

70.44% (593 votes)
54

Q: Why is it hard to play the card game "Uno" with a group of Mexicans?

A: Because they all take the green cards.

70.44% (597 votes)
55

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's s*x?

A: Wait until it's born.

70.44% (593 votes)
56

Q.What do you call a women who lives on the sand?
A.Sandy

70.42% (596 votes)
57

Q : What is the difference between women and magnets ?

A : Magnets have also positive side.

70.42% (602 votes)
58

Q.What kind of bees make milk?

A:Boobies

70.42% (598 votes)
59

The road to success is always under CONSTRUCTION!

70.42% (598 votes)
60

Wanna know why divorces are so expensive?
Because they're worth it.

70.42% (596 votes)
61

If your aunt had balls she would be your uncle!

70.3% (599 votes)
62

Q: Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

70.28% (602 votes)
63

Q: What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

A: You can unscrew a light bulb.

70.26% (595 votes)
64

Q: Witch gate that we cant enter?
A: Bill gate

70.26% (595 votes)
65

What do you get if you cross a bee with a skunk? An animal that stinks and stings!

70.24% (594 votes)
66

Q: In what country will you not find a vegetarian?
A: Turkey.

70.22% (613 votes)
67

Q: Why did the motorcycle take a break?

A: Because it was "TWO TIRED"!

70.2% (599 votes)
68

I will open the door and kick you out of the window!!!

70.1% (610 votes)
69

Dont drink and drive, might hit a bump and spill it.

70.1% (655 votes)
70

Q: What does a clock do when it's hungry?
A: Goes back 4 secounds!!!

69.92% (623 votes)
71

Q: What animal has 2 legs 2 eyes 2wind can't fly has a peek ?
A: It's a died bird

69.72% (608 votes)
72

What do u call a cop with out back up and a gun???

Dead...

69.58% (608 votes)
73

Virginity is not dignity, but lack of opportunity.

69.4% (660 votes)
74

If you find yourself in a hole. Stop digging.

69.26% (776 votes)
75

Two drills are on a ship, when a fire alarm goes off. One drill says to the other drill, "Don't worry, it's just a drill".

50% (90 votes)

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