A one liner is a joke that is delivered in a single line. Funny one liners are very simple jokes, popular for their short and to-the-point humor. The art of one liner jokes is that they are over extremely quickly :-) To some people, jokes that follow the format of a question followed by an answer are also considered one-liners.
Q. An ethical lawyer, an honest politician, and a merciful aerobics instructor all fall out of an airplane. Which one hits the ground first?
A. It doesn't matter - none of them exist.
Q:Which one came first egg or chicken?
A: I don't care I just want my breakfast served.
Q: What is the different between bird and fly?
A: Bird can fly, but fly cant bird.
In America you find party, in Russia party finds you.
Whats the only positive thing about Kenya?
HIV.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any..
Q: Whats the difference between a jeweler and a jailer?
A: One sells watches and one watches cells.
Q : What is the difference between women and magnets ?
A : Magnets have also positive side.
Q.What kind of bees make milk?
A:Boobies
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
That's cute, but can it pick up peanuts!
Q: Why is it hard to play the card game "Uno" with a group of Mexicans?
A: Because they all take the green cards.
Q: What did the dog say when he sat on the sand paper?
A: Ruff.
A horse went into a bar. The barman said..."Why the long face?"
Q: What do u find in an empty nose?
A: Finger prints.
Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids leave home.
I don't worry about terrorism, I was married for 12 years !
Q: Should I have another baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.
Q: What do you do when you throw a clock up in the air
A: Times up!
Q: What do pilots eat? A: Plane biscuits.
What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
The snowballs.
Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes school.
Whats brown, made of concrete, and shits in the woods ?
A bear, just added the concrete to make it sound interesting ...
Q: Why did the motorcycle take a break?
A: Because it was "TWO TIRED"!
What did the elephant say to naked man?
How do you breath through that thing?
How can you get four suits for a dollar? Buy a deck of cards.
My idea of balanced diet is beer in each hand.
Q: How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A: If it's the flu, you'll get better.
Q. What's the difference between an aerobics instructor and a well mannered professional torturer?
A. The torturer would apologize first.
Dont drink and drive, might hit a bump and spill it.
Research shows that 90% of men don't know how to use condom, these people are called DADS.....
Two drills are on a ship, when a fire alarm goes off. One drill says to the other drill, "Don't worry, it's just a drill".
Q: What is the biggest mouse in the world?
A: Enormous.
Q. What's the difference between an aerobics instructor and a dentist?
A. A dentist lets you sit down while he hurts you.
Q: In what country will you not find a vegetarian?
A: Turkey.
I've never smoked marijuana in my life, because I get really sleepy afterwards...
Q: Witch gate that we cant enter?
A: Bill gate
Q: What's brown and sticky?
A: A stick.
A man just got out of jail and ran down the road saying, "I'm free I,m free" and this little boy said, "Whow I'm four."
Q: What does a clock do when it's hungry?
A: Goes back 4 secounds!!!
If your aunt had balls she would be your uncle!
Q: What do you call a man who lives in an envelope?
A: Bill.
Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's s*x?
A: Wait until it's born.
Q: What is the diffrent between a girl and a cellphone...
A: You can put a selfone on silent.
Q: Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
If you find yourself in a hole. Stop digging.
Q: What happens to the man who lost his whole left side of his body?
A: He is all right now.
What do you get when you cross a snoman and a vampire?
Frost bite.
What did the cow say to the other cow?
Nothing because they cant talk.
An Irishman walks out of a bar.... it COULD happen.
Wanna know why divorces are so expensive?
Because they're worth it.
Why did the boy throw the butter out the window?
To see a butterfly.
What do u call a cop with out back up and a gun???
Dead...
Q:What did one eye say to the other eye?
A:Between you and me something smells.
My wife and I took out life insurance on each other -- so now it's just a waiting game.
Q: What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
A: You can unscrew a light bulb.
Did you hear the story about the giraffe?
Forget it its too long.
Q.What do you call a women who lives on the sand?
A.Sandy
The road to success is always under CONSTRUCTION!
Whats the hardest part of a vegetable?
The Wheelchair.
What's red and white and lives in a tree?
A sanitary owl
Q: How do you torture Helen Keller?
A: Leave the plunger in the toilet
I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse.
Q: Whats big, red, and looks like a bucket?
A: A big, red bucket.
What do you get if you cross a bee with a skunk? An animal that stinks and stings!
What do you call a cow with no legs??
Ground beef.
Q. What's the difference between a good joke and this?
A. Everything.
What's the difference between a pile of dead bodies and a Lamborghini?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
Q: What do you call a monkey on a mine field ?
A: a baboom
Q: Whats long, hard, and full of seman?
A: A submarine.
What dog can't bark?
A hot dog.
Q: Waiter how long will the chips be?
A: About five centimeters each, I expect sir.
Q: What animal has 2 legs 2 eyes 2wind can't fly has a peek ?
A: It's a died bird
I will open the door and kick you out of the window!!!
Q: WHAT DO YOU CALL A HANDSOME INTELLIGENT SENITIVE MAN?
A: A RUMOR.
Virginity is not dignity, but lack of opportunity.