A one liner is a joke that is delivered in a single line. Funny one liners are very simple jokes, popular for their short and to-the-point humor. The art of one liner jokes is that they are over extremely quickly :-) To some people, jokes that follow the format of a question followed by an answer are also considered one-liners.
Q: Whats the difference between a jeweler and a jailer?
A: One sells watches and one watches cells.
Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes school.
Q:Which one came first egg or chicken?
A: I don't care I just want my breakfast served.
Q. An ethical lawyer, an honest politician, and a merciful aerobics instructor all fall out of an airplane. Which one hits the ground first?
A. It doesn't matter - none of them exist.
In America you find party, in Russia party finds you.
The road to success is always under CONSTRUCTION!
Q : What is the difference between women and magnets ?
A : Magnets have also positive side.
Q: Why did the motorcycle take a break?
A: Because it was "TWO TIRED"!
Q.What kind of bees make milk?
A:Boobies
What do you get if you cross a bee with a skunk? An animal that stinks and stings!
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
That's cute, but can it pick up peanuts!
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any..
Q: What did the dog say when he sat on the sand paper?
A: Ruff.
A horse went into a bar. The barman said..."Why the long face?"
Q: What do u find in an empty nose?
A: Finger prints.
Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids leave home.
I don't worry about terrorism, I was married for 12 years !
Q: Should I have another baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.
Q: What do you do when you throw a clock up in the air
A: Times up!
Q: What do pilots eat? A: Plane biscuits.
What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
The snowballs.
Whats brown, made of concrete, and shits in the woods ?
A bear, just added the concrete to make it sound interesting ...
What did the elephant say to naked man?
How do you breath through that thing?
Q. What's the difference between a good joke and this?
A. Everything.
How can you get four suits for a dollar? Buy a deck of cards.
My idea of balanced diet is beer in each hand.
What do you call a cow with no legs??
Ground beef.
Q: How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A: If it's the flu, you'll get better.
Q. What's the difference between an aerobics instructor and a well mannered professional torturer?
A. The torturer would apologize first.
Dont drink and drive, might hit a bump and spill it.
Research shows that 90% of men don't know how to use condom, these people are called DADS.....
Two drills are on a ship, when a fire alarm goes off. One drill says to the other drill, "Don't worry, it's just a drill".
Q: What is the biggest mouse in the world?
A: Enormous.
Q: WHAT DO YOU CALL A HANDSOME INTELLIGENT SENITIVE MAN?
A: A RUMOR.
Q. What's the difference between an aerobics instructor and a dentist?
A. A dentist lets you sit down while he hurts you.
Q: In what country will you not find a vegetarian?
A: Turkey.
I've never smoked marijuana in my life, because I get really sleepy afterwards...
Q: Witch gate that we cant enter?
A: Bill gate
Q: What's brown and sticky?
A: A stick.
Q: Why is it hard to play the card game "Uno" with a group of Mexicans?
A: Because they all take the green cards.
A man just got out of jail and ran down the road saying, "I'm free I,m free" and this little boy said, "Whow I'm four."
Q: What does a clock do when it's hungry?
A: Goes back 4 secounds!!!
If your aunt had balls she would be your uncle!
Q: What do you call a man who lives in an envelope?
A: Bill.
Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's s*x?
A: Wait until it's born.
Q: What is the diffrent between a girl and a cellphone...
A: You can put a selfone on silent.
Q: Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
If you find yourself in a hole. Stop digging.
Q: What happens to the man who lost his whole left side of his body?
A: He is all right now.
What do you get when you cross a snoman and a vampire?
Frost bite.
What did the cow say to the other cow?
Nothing because they cant talk.
An Irishman walks out of a bar.... it COULD happen.
Virginity is not dignity, but lack of opportunity.
Wanna know why divorces are so expensive?
Because they're worth it.
Why did the boy throw the butter out the window?
To see a butterfly.
What do u call a cop with out back up and a gun???
Dead...
Q:What did one eye say to the other eye?
A:Between you and me something smells.
My wife and I took out life insurance on each other -- so now it's just a waiting game.
Q: What is the different between bird and fly?
A: Bird can fly, but fly cant bird.
Q: What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
A: You can unscrew a light bulb.
Whats the only positive thing about Kenya?
HIV.
Did you hear the story about the giraffe?
Forget it its too long.
Q.What do you call a women who lives on the sand?
A.Sandy
Whats the hardest part of a vegetable?
The Wheelchair.
What's red and white and lives in a tree?
A sanitary owl
Q: How do you torture Helen Keller?
A: Leave the plunger in the toilet
I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse.
Q: Whats big, red, and looks like a bucket?
A: A big, red bucket.
What's the difference between a pile of dead bodies and a Lamborghini?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
Q: What do you call a monkey on a mine field ?
A: a baboom
Q: Whats long, hard, and full of seman?
A: A submarine.
What dog can't bark?
A hot dog.
Q: Waiter how long will the chips be?
A: About five centimeters each, I expect sir.
Q: What animal has 2 legs 2 eyes 2wind can't fly has a peek ?
A: It's a died bird
I will open the door and kick you out of the window!!!