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category: Retirement jokes

There were two retired men. One of the men said "I feel like a newborn baby,". The other man asked why. The man said, " I have no hair, no teeth, and I just peed in my pants.

71.06% like joke (649 votes)
category: Men jokes

A man asked a waiter. "What is this fly doing in my soup?"
The waiter replied. "It looks like its swimming sir."

69.94% like joke (616 votes)
category: Bar jokes

A drunk man walks out of the bar and sees a nun standing at the bus stop. He walks up to her and punches her in the face. When she is on the ground crying he says," Not so tough are you now Batman!"

70.32% like joke (665 votes)
category: Religious jokes

Two Priests are walking down the street when a drunk man comes up to them. He says, to the first Priest," I'm Jesus Christ." The Priest replys," No son, you're not!" So he says to the second,"I'm Jesus Christ." He says,"No, son, you're not." The drunk says," Look I can prove it." He takes the two Preists into the bar.
The bartender takes one look at the drunk and says," JESUS CHRIST YOU'RE HERE AGAIN!!!"

74.2% like joke (858 votes)
category: Yo mama jokes

Yore mama so fat she turned a monster truck into a low rider

71.08% like joke (772 votes)
category: Lawyer jokes

What do you get when you cross a lawyer and a criminal?
Another criminal.

69.82% like joke (624 votes)
category: Animal jokes

A duck walks into a bar. The duck asks, "Got any grapes?" Then the bartender says "Sorry. I cannot help you with that." Then the duck leaves. Then the next day the duck comes back. "Got any grapes?" "No, and if you ask that again, ill nail your feet to the floor!" The duck comes back again. "Got any nails?" "No." "Got any grapes?"

70.58% like joke (769 votes)
category: Chuck Norris jokes

Chuck Norris can throw a house through a window.

69.62% like joke (637 votes)
category: Animal jokes

Daddy, what are those two spiders doing," she asked? "They're mating," her father replied. "What do you call the spider on top," she asked? "A Daddy Longlegs," her father answered. "So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs," the little girl asked?
As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he replied, "No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs.
The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then lifted her foot and stomped them flat. "Well," she said, "that may be OK in California, Washington and Colorado, but we're not having any of that crap here in Texas."

70.48% like joke (713 votes)
category: School jokes

The Teacher says to the class: Who ever stands up is stupid
*Nobody stands up*
Teacher: I said who ever stands up is STUPID!
*Little Johnny stands up*
Teacher: Johnny, do you really think that you are stupid?
Little Johnny: No Mrs, I just thought that maybe you are lonely being the only one standing.

86.96% like joke (14854 votes)
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