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category: Chuck Norris jokes

Chuck Norris isn't that powerful; there's no way that he could teleport next to me right now a smash my face against my keybojehrhhfhcyeuqjnj73772/isi8wiwjj..e ,uj,ksjwp';nsj

70.06% like joke (649 votes)
category: Bar jokes

A man walks into a bar with an alligator on a leash and sits down at the bar. The Bartender walks over and asks why the man has brought an alligator into the bar. The man replies, " I have an offer to make".
The bartender being curious, says,"OK, what's the offer?". The man stands up and says, " If everyone in the bar is willing to buy me one drink each, I will drop my pants, open the alligator's mouth and place my genitals in his mouth and then close his mouth. After one full minute, I will make the alligator open his mouth and remove my gentitals...unscathed." After a few minutes, everyone agrees to buy him a drink. Sure enough, the man drops his pants, opens the alligaor's mouth, places his genitals in it's mouth and then closes it. After one minute, the man hits the alligator over the head with a beer bottle, and the alligator opens his mouth... and as promised, the man's genitals are unscathed.
After about an hour, the man had drank his last free drink and the bartender asks if there is anything else the man would like. The man says, " I have another offer to make". The bartender thinks to himself, "This ought to be good" and tells the man to make his offer. The man stands up again and turns to the other patrons of the bar and says, " If there is anyone else in the room willing to try the same thing, I'll give them $1000", and places 10 $100 bills on the bar.
After a few minutes of talking amongst themselves, a small blonde girl, in the back of the room stands up and says, " Mister, I am willing to give it a try, but you have to promise not to hit me with that beer bottle, when I'm done!".

70.2% like joke (660 votes)
category: D*rty jokes

Daddy, what are those two spiders doing," she asked? "They're mating," her father replied. "What do you call the spider on top," she asked? "A Daddy Longlegs," her father answered. "So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs," the little girl asked?
As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he replied, "No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs.
The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then lifted her foot and stomped them flat. "Well," she said, "that may be OK in California, but we're not having any of that crap here in Texas."

71.26% like joke (987 votes)
category: Men jokes

At big event this guy is carrying two plates of food from the buffet- one for his girl-friend and one for himself. As they enter the large hall to sit at a long table, everyone looks up and starts moving their chairs to make room for the couple to sit. At the same time the girl says, "Honey, give me the keys to the car, I need to get something."
He looks at the plates in his hands and says, "Well, I can't give them to you right now...but you can reach in my pocket and get them."
Everyone is looking as she reaches into his pants. She smiles bashfully as she looks around and said, "I feel a little funny."
He replies, "Feel a little deeper and you will feel NUTS!"

70.34% like joke (614 votes)
category: Blonde jokes

Two blondes walking through the woods and suddenly came a cross a lion. One of the blond slowly squatted down, scooped hand full of mud and threw it to the lions eyes. The next second she started to run like hell, while the other one is still standing like nothing happened. So the running blonde yelled back
"hey run, run."
"No.." the other one yelled back, "Why should I? Its you who threw the mud on him."

69.1% like joke (702 votes)
category: Yo mama jokes

Yo mama so ugly when she goes to the store she makes the onions cry.

72.58% like joke (1126 votes)
category: Yo mama jokes

Yo mama so fat, she can't even jump to a conclusion!

71.42% like joke (876 votes)
category: Yo mama jokes

Your mamas so fat that she has to use a paint roller to put her lipstick on.

71.6% like joke (865 votes)
category: Retirement jokes

There were two retired men. One of the men said "I feel like a newborn baby,". The other man asked why. The man said, " I have no hair, no teeth, and I just peed in my pants.

70.94% like joke (636 votes)
category: Men jokes

A man asked a waiter. "What is this fly doing in my soup?"
The waiter replied. "It looks like its swimming sir."

70.08% like joke (612 votes)
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