Lawyer jokes

Funny jokes about lawyers, courts and judges.

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category: Lawyer jokes11.

"You seem to be in some distress," said the kindly judge to the witness. "Is anything the matter?"
"Well, your Honour," said the witness, "I swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but every time I try, some lawyer objects."

joke rating: 3.54 of 591 votes

category: Lawyer jokes12.

What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start!

joke rating: 3.54 of 591 votes

category: Lawyer jokes13.

To help someone before they commit a crime means you are their
accomplice.
To help someone after they commit a crime means you are their attorney.

joke rating: 3.54 of 591 votes

category: Lawyer jokes14.

A lawyer died and was standing in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "you can't come in here... you have to go to the other place". But the lawyer was really good and pleaded his case to the point where St. Peter said, "OK... here's what I'll do. You will spend the same amount of time in hell as you did on earth, and then you can spend the rest of eternity up here." The lawyer figured this wasn't too bad of a deal, so he said "OK". St. Peter said, "Great... I'll see you in 350 years.". The lawyer said, "But, how is that possible... I'm only 65 years old!". St Peter said, "We go by billing hours".

joke rating: 3.54 of 591 votes

category: Lawyer jokes15.

A plumber went to the attorneys house to unstop the sink. When he finished he said to the attorney "that will be $400.00." The attorney became irate "What do you mean $400.00, you were only here 20 minutes, that's ridiculous!!" The plumber replied, "I thought the same thing when I was an attorney".

joke rating: 3.54 of 590 votes

category: Lawyer jokes16.

What do you have when you bury six lawyers up to their necks in sand?
Not enough sand.

joke rating: 3.54 of 591 votes

category: Lawyer jokes17.

Why is it that if you give a child an encyclopedia, lawyer is always the third thing they look up?
Because the first thing a child looks up is dog. The second is snake. And under snake, the encyclopedia says See Lawyer.

joke rating: 3.54 of 590 votes

category: Lawyer jokes18.

What is the ideal weight of a lawyer?
About three pounds, including the urn.

joke rating: 3.53 of 591 votes

category: Lawyer jokes19.

Did you hear that the Post Office had to recall its series of stamps depicting famous lawyers? People were confused about which side to spit

joke rating: 3.53 of 592 votes

category: Lawyer jokes20.

A Lawyer and the Pope died at the same time, both went to heaven. They were met at the Pearly Gate by St. Peter who conducted them to their rooms. The Pope's room was spartan with bare floor, army cot for a bed, and a single bulb for light. They came to the Lawyer's room. It was huge with wall to wall carpeting, king sized water bed, indirect lighting, color TV, stereo, Jacuzzi and fully stocked bar. The Lawyer said, "There must be a mistake. This must be the Pope's room!" St Peter said, "There's no mistake. This is your room. We have lots of Pope's, but you're our very first Lawyer!"

joke rating: 3.54 of 590 votes

jokes: 11 - 20 of 25 |previous jokes1 2 3next jokes

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