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category: Lawyer jokes
by: Viki 15-9-2008
"You seem to be in some distress," said the kindly judge to the witness. "Is anything the matter?"
"Well, your Honour," said the witness, "I swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but every time I try, some lawyer objects."
rating: 1 of 1 votes
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category: Lawyer jokes
by: Viki 13-9-2008
What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start!
rating: 3.2 of 5 votes
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category: Lawyer jokes
by: Kubo 1-9-2008
To help someone before they commit a crime means you are their
accomplice.
To help someone after they commit a crime means you are their attorney.
rating: 3.17 of 12 votes
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category: Lawyer jokes
by: Kubo 11-7-2008
A lawyer died and was standing in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "you can't come in here... you have to go to the other place". But the lawyer was really good and pleaded his case to the point where St. Peter said, "OK... here's what I'll do. You will spend the same amount of time in hell as you did on earth, and then you can spend the rest of eternity up here." The lawyer figured this wasn't too bad of a deal, so he said "OK". St. Peter said, "Great... I'll see you in 350 years.". The lawyer said, "But, how is that possible... I'm only 65 years old!". St Peter said, "We go by billing hours".
rating: 3.18 of 11 votes
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category: Lawyer jokes
by: Kubo 9-7-2008
A plumber went to the attorneys house to unstop the sink. When he finished he said to the attorney "that will be $400.00." The attorney became irate "What do you mean $400.00, you were only here 20 minutes, that's ridiculous!!" The plumber replied, "I thought the same thing when I was an attorney".
rating: 3.33 of 6 votes
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category: Lawyer jokes
by: Kubo 8-7-2008
What do you have when you bury six lawyers up to their necks in sand?
Not enough sand.
rating: 3.5 of 4 votes
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category: Lawyer jokes
by: Kubo 5-7-2008
Why is it that if you give a child an encyclopedia, lawyer is always the third thing they look up?
Because the first thing a child looks up is dog. The second is snake. And under snake, the encyclopedia says See Lawyer.
rating: 3 of 1 votes
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category: Lawyer jokes
by: Kubo 1-7-2008
What is the ideal weight of a lawyer?
About three pounds, including the urn.
rating: 3.13 of 8 votes
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category: Lawyer jokes
by: Kubo 30-6-2008
Did you hear that the Post Office had to recall its series of stamps depicting famous lawyers? People were confused about which side to spit
rating: 1 of 1 votes
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category: Lawyer jokes
by: Kubo 28-6-2008
A Lawyer and the Pope died at the same time, both went to heaven. They were met at the Pearly Gate by St. Peter who conducted them to their rooms. The Pope's room was spartan with bare floor, army cot for a bed, and a single bulb for light. They came to the Lawyer's room. It was huge with wall to wall carpeting, king sized water bed, indirect lighting, color TV, stereo, Jacuzzi and fully stocked bar. The Lawyer said, "There must be a mistake. This must be the Pope's room!" St Peter said, "There's no mistake. This is your room. We have lots of Pope's, but you're our very first Lawyer!"
rating: 3.25 of 8 votes
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