Lawyer jokes

Funny jokes about lawyers, courts and judges.

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category: Lawyer jokes1.

What do you get when you cross a lawyer and a criminal?
Another criminal.

joke rating: 3.5 of 620 votes

category: Lawyer jokes2.

How do you make a group of lawyers to smile for a photo?
Just say, "Fees."

joke rating: 3.61 of 703 votes

category: Lawyer jokes3.

Q:What's the difference between a Lawyer and a mosquito?
A:The Lawyer has a briefcase!

joke rating: 3.53 of 602 votes

category: Lawyer jokes4.

Van to lawyer, "Its not what they know, its what they can prove."

joke rating: 3.54 of 600 votes

category: Lawyer jokes5.

A divorce court judge said to the husband,"Mr Geraghty,I have reviewed this case very carefully and I've decided to give your wife $800 a week."
"That's very fair,your honour," he replied. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."

joke rating: 3.54 of 608 votes

category: Lawyer jokes6.

How come sharks will not bite lawyers?

Professional courtesy.

joke rating: 3.53 of 601 votes

category: Lawyer jokes7.

One day, a priest was walking through a forest, when he came upon a pond. On the pond was a lily-pad, and on the lily-pad was the saddest frog the priest had ever seen!
"Dear frog" the priest asked, "what is the matter? Why re you so sad?"
"Well," said the frog, "I was not always a frog."
"Tell me more" said the priest.
"One day, I was waslking through these woods when I came upon a wicked witch. 'Stand aside witch' I said to her. But alas, she called me a nasty cheeky boy and turned me into a frog."
"But that's terrible! Isn't there anything that can be done to reverse the spell?" asked the priest.
"Well" said the frog, "if a kind person were to take me home for the night, feed me and put me to sleep on their pillow, I am sure I would wake up human again."
"Well, this is your lucky day!" said the priest.
So he took the frog home, fed him and put him to sleep on his pillow. And lo and behold, when he woke up the next morning, there was a 10 year old choir boy in his bead!

"And that Your Honour, is the case for the Defence!"

joke rating: 3.53 of 602 votes

category: Lawyer jokes8.

How many lawyers dose it take to change a light bulb?

3, 1 to climb the ladder, 1 to shake it, and 1 to sue the ladder company.

joke rating: 3.53 of 599 votes

category: Lawyer jokes9.

"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand.

"If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness.

joke rating: 3.54 of 600 votes

category: Lawyer jokes10.

A physician, an engineer, and an attorney were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions represented.

The physician said, "Remember, on the sixth day God took a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve, making him the first surgeon. Therefore, medicine is the oldest profession."

The engineer replied, "But, before that, God created the heavens and earth from chaos and confusion, and thus he was the first engineer. Therefore, engineering is an older profession than medicine."

Then, the lawyer spoke up. "Yes," he said, "But who do you think created all of the chaos and confusion?"

joke rating: 3.53 of 600 votes

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