Lawyer jokes

Funny jokes about lawyers, courts and judges.

jokes: 1 - 10 of 25
category: Lawyer jokes

What do you get when you cross a lawyer and a criminal?
Another criminal.

69.94% like joke (620 votes)
category: Lawyer jokes

How do you make a group of lawyers to smile for a photo?
Just say, "Fees."

72.2% like joke (704 votes)
category: Lawyer jokes

Q:What's the difference between a Lawyer and a mosquito?
A:The Lawyer has a briefcase!

70.58% like joke (602 votes)
category: Lawyer jokes

Van to lawyer, "Its not what they know, its what they can prove."

70.84% like joke (600 votes)
category: Lawyer jokes

A divorce court judge said to the husband,"Mr Geraghty,I have reviewed this case very carefully and I've decided to give your wife $800 a week."
"That's very fair,your honour," he replied. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."

70.84% like joke (608 votes)
category: Lawyer jokes

How come sharks will not bite lawyers?

Professional courtesy.

70.7% like joke (602 votes)
category: Lawyer jokes

One day, a priest was walking through a forest, when he came upon a pond. On the pond was a lily-pad, and on the lily-pad was the saddest frog the priest had ever seen!
"Dear frog" the priest asked, "what is the matter? Why re you so sad?"
"Well," said the frog, "I was not always a frog."
"Tell me more" said the priest.
"One day, I was waslking through these woods when I came upon a wicked witch. 'Stand aside witch' I said to her. But alas, she called me a nasty cheeky boy and turned me into a frog."
"But that's terrible! Isn't there anything that can be done to reverse the spell?" asked the priest.
"Well" said the frog, "if a kind person were to take me home for the night, feed me and put me to sleep on their pillow, I am sure I would wake up human again."
"Well, this is your lucky day!" said the priest.
So he took the frog home, fed him and put him to sleep on his pillow. And lo and behold, when he woke up the next morning, there was a 10 year old choir boy in his bead!

"And that Your Honour, is the case for the Defence!"

70.64% like joke (602 votes)
category: Lawyer jokes

How many lawyers dose it take to change a light bulb?

3, 1 to climb the ladder, 1 to shake it, and 1 to sue the ladder company.

70.62% like joke (599 votes)
category: Lawyer jokes

"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand.

"If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness.

70.7% like joke (601 votes)
category: Lawyer jokes

A physician, an engineer, and an attorney were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions represented.

The physician said, "Remember, on the sixth day God took a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve, making him the first surgeon. Therefore, medicine is the oldest profession."

The engineer replied, "But, before that, God created the heavens and earth from chaos and confusion, and thus he was the first engineer. Therefore, engineering is an older profession than medicine."

Then, the lawyer spoke up. "Yes," he said, "But who do you think created all of the chaos and confusion?"

70.64% like joke (600 votes)
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