Family jokes

Funny jokes about family, wedding jokes, marriage jokes. ....

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Its my birthday today. My wife has said that shes going to make it my most special birthday ever ...
I wonder where shes going ?

rating: 2.97 of 98 votessend joke:

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HOW did an Intelligent BOY PROPOSE to a Girl.
He TOOK the Girl ALONG with him on a BOAT & in the MIDDLE of River said: "LOVE ME or LEAVE the BOAT."

rating: 3.2 of 106 votessend joke:

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Son - "Dad whats the difference between confident and confidential?"
Dad - "Hmm. You are my son. Of that I am confident. Your friend Timmy is also my son. That's confidential."

rating: 3.76 of 150 votessend joke:

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A traveling salesman rings this doorbell. 10 year old little Johnny opens, holding a beer and smoking a fat cigar.
The salesman says, "Little boy is your mother home?"
Little Johnny taps his ash on the carpet and says, "What do you think?"

rating: 3.26 of 84 votessend joke:

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Wife says to husband:

- I am tired of being your maid, I am filing for divorce!
- No, you are fired!

rating: 2.83 of 69 votessend joke:

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I overheard a friend telling his pal, "I can't break my wife of the
habit of staying up until 5 in the morning."

"What is she doing?", the pal asks.

"Waiting for me to get home."

rating: 2.89 of 67 votessend joke:

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A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself. Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible. What's the problem?"
"My mother died in June," he said, "and left me $10,000."
"Gee, that's tough," he replied.
"Then in July," the friend continued, "My father died leaving me $50,000."
"Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed."
"And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000."
"Three close family members lost in three months? How sad."
"Then this month," continued, the friend, "nothing!"

rating: 3.24 of 86 votessend joke:

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A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were getting ready to go out on dates.
The first beau came to the door and said, "I'm Eddie, I'm here to pick up Betty. We're going for spaghetti, is she ready?"
No.
The second beau came to the door and said, "I'm Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo to take her to the show. Is she ready to go?"
No.
The third beau came to the door and said to the farmer. "Hello, my name is Chuck."
The farmer shot Chuck.

rating: 3.07 of 114 votessend joke:

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An aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison and he didn't know anyone who would spade up his potato garden. The old man wrote to his son about it and received this reply.
"For Heavens SAKES, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!!!
At 4 A.M. the next morning a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns.
Confused the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next.
His son's reply was: "Just plant your potatoes."

rating: 3.27 of 180 votessend joke:

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After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day.
What do you think it means?"

"You'll know tonight," he said.

That evening, the man came home with a package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it - to find a book entitled,
"The meaning of dreams"

rating: 3.56 of 194 votessend joke:

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