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Why was the computer tired when he got home?
Because he had a hard drive.
Why did the computer get cold?
Because it forgot to close windows.
What do Scientists have for snacks?
- How do two programmers make money?
- One writes viruses, the other anti-viruses
Q:- Why are computers so smart?
A:- Because they listen to their motherboards.
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define "Great" he said,
"I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
A system administrator has 2 problems:
- dumb users
- smart users
A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are and how you are my hero" The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire week." The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for a year and do ANYTHING you want." Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a year and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The man said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."
A computer technician says "Why even have a 3-chip Hi-Def camcorder if you can't calibrate the white balance"!!!!!!!
I'm not anti-social. I'm just not user friendly.
The Internet: where men are men, women are men, and children are the FBI ...
"Knock, knock.Who's there?"
very long pause...
Q: What is a astronaut's favorite place on the notebook?
A: The space bar!
What's the difference between a computer salesman and a used-car salesman?
The used-car salesman KNOWS when he's lying.
'Ive just loaded COLIN MCRAE HELICOPTER SIMULATOR on to my PC ... but it keeps crashing ...'
Q: What does a baby computer call its dad?
Whats the chemical formula of compressed liquid oxygen?
Womens are like computer virus...they ENTER your life...SEARCH your pocket...SHIFT your balance ...CONTROL your life...when you become an old version DELET you from the system
Girls are like Internet Domain names, the ones I like are already taken.
If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0
How do you tell if a blonde is using a computer?
Their's liquid paper all over the screen!
I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code.