Bar jokes

Funny jokes from bar, drinking jokes, beer jokes, drunk jokes, ....

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Two Irishmen are sitting in a bar.
Mick's looking particularly sad and Patrick asks him what the matter is. mick says, "Well, I knew that my grandfather had died in the war, but I've just found out that he
actually died in the Auschwitz concentration camp."
Patrick says, "That's terrible, did he go to the gas chamber?"
and Mick replies, "No, he fell out of the machine gun tower."

rating: 2.58 of 144 votessend joke:

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A duck walks into a bar and says, "Got any bread?"
The barman says, "No, this is a bar, we don't have bread."
So the duck says, "Got any bread?"
The barman says, "No, this is a bar, we don't have bread. I told you that."
"Got any bread?" asks the duck.
"No, we don't sell bread here... and if you say that again i will nail you to the table!!!!"
The duck pauses then says, "Got any nails?"
"No," sighs the barman.
So the duck says..."Got any bread?"

rating: 3.38 of 386 votessend joke:

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A man walks into a bar... ouch!

rating: 2.26 of 171 votessend joke:

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Got home from the pub at 3'o clock this morning. The wife was waiting at the door with a rolling pin. I said to her, 'what are you doing 'baking' at this time of the night ?

rating: 2.97 of 96 votessend joke:

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4 gay guys walk into a bar and notice there is one stool left.
One gay guy suggest to play rock, paper, scissors and the other gay guy says'
"Stop all this nonsense. Lets just flip the stool over."

rating: 3.18 of 325 votessend joke:

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Man walks over to a lady in a bar and asks 'whats your name ?'
'Carmen' she replies, '... I like cars and men ! Whats yours ?'
The man looks her up and down and sayes 'Beerpussy ...'

rating: 3.24 of 234 votessend joke:

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Two friends were having a discussion about their relatives....

"I'll never amount to anything in life..", said the one friend. "In fact, my uncle is the town drunk.."
"Well...that's not too bad.", replied the other, trying to console his friend. "Where does your uncle live..?"
"New York City..."

rating: 2.99 of 108 votessend joke:

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An Irishman, an Italian, and a Pollack were having a drink together at the local tavern.

The Irishman says, "...You know, where I'm from, there's a bar called "O'Mally's", where you buy a drink, then you buy another drink, and then O'Mally himself buys you a drink."

The Italian then says, "Well....where I'm from, there's a place called "Vinnie's", where you buy a drink, then Vinnie buy you a drink, then you buy another drink, and then Vinnie buys you another drink.."

The Pollack then says "Well...where I come from, there's a bar where they buy you a drink, then they buy you another drink, and then they buy you another drink, and then they take you in back, and then you get laid !".

The Irishman and the Italian both respond with, "Gee....that sounds like a great place ! Have you ever been there ?"

"No..." said the Pollack, "....but my sister has ...."

rating: 3.15 of 85 votessend joke:

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Man goes to the doctors and sayes 'doctor, I cant stop my hands from shaking !' Doctor replies 'do you drink much ?' Man says 'no, I spill most of it !'

rating: 3.16 of 215 votessend joke:

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A Chinese man came home after a late night of drinking, and crawls in bed next to his sleeping wife.
After lying awake for a few minutes, he wakes up his wife and says "Hey honey, wanna do a sixty-nine?
"Well, you've got a lot of nerve !. First you come home late, you're drunk, and now you expect me to go to the kitchin and fix you Mongolian beef with snow-peas !"

rating: 3.07 of 166 votessend joke:

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