Animal jokes / page 2

jokes: 11 - 20 of 51
category: Animal jokes

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later, there is a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says, "What the hell was that all about?"

73% like joke (782 votes)
category: Animal jokes

A mans dog dies one day, and the man is very upset. His dog did everything for him.
Washed the dishes. Bought things from the shop. The man was so upset, he decided to go and buy a new pet. Once at the pet store, he asked the manager, "Do you have any pets that will do anything for me? My dog has just passed away and I want something to replace him."
The manager looks around. "We don't have much, I'm afraid. Just this centipede here"
The man looks puzzled, but accepts the centipede anyway.
Back home, the man tests the centipede out. "Go and bring me a beer from the fridge", he asks. The centipede got to work straight away. "Go and run a bath for me". The centipede did as asked once again. The man, before getting in the bath, asks the centipede "Pop to the shop and buy me a newspaper please" The centipede does this. An hour later, the man comes out of the bath, to find the centipede sitting at the bottom of the stairs, and hadn't yet gone to the shop.
"I thought I told you to go to the shop?"
The centipede replies "GIMMIE A CHANCE TO GET MI SHOES ON!"

70.92% like joke (612 votes)
category: Animal jokes

What will a giraffe do, if you spit in its face?
...It will kick off your ladder...

70.5% like joke (608 votes)
category: Animal jokes

Q: What is red and black?
A: A sunburnt zebra.

70.44% like joke (614 votes)
category: Animal jokes

Q: What does a cow say to bull?
A: Are you alwaays that h orn-ny!

70.34% like joke (602 votes)
category: Animal jokes

Gemma:My dog doesn't have a nose.
Ortoise: How does he smell?
Gemma: Awful!

70.34% like joke (604 votes)
category: Animal jokes

Q: Why cant you play cards in the jungle
A: Because theres to many cheetahs.

70.86% like joke (605 votes)
category: Animal jokes

Q:What country is always new?
A:New Zealand

70.58% like joke (605 votes)
category: Animal jokes

An archaeologist in Egypt was taking a walk in the town square one morning.
He had to get back to the hotel for a meeting but had forgotten his wristwatch. He was walking by an old man sitting on a low stool by his camel and asked if he knew the time.
The old man slowly reached over and pushed the camel's testicles to one side and then released them, letting them swing to a stop.
"10:27" he said.
The archaeologist was stunned as he had never seen someone tell time like that before. He rushed back to the hotel to find his colleagues and then brought them back to the town square to find the old man.
Having found him again, the archaeologist said, "I will give you this $50 bill if you'll show me how you tell time.
The old man pocketed the $50 bill and said, "OK, kneel down here with me and put your head close to mine. Now swing the camel's testicles out of the way. Now, can you see the clock on that building over there?"

70.78% like joke (605 votes)
category: Animal jokes

A precious little girl walks into a Pets Mart Shop and asks, in the sweetest little lisp, between two missing teeth, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"
As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and fuwwy, bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?"
She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says, in a tiny quiet voice,
"I don't think my python weally gives a thit !!"

70.9% like joke (599 votes)
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