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category: Adult jokes
by: Les be on. 18-9-2008
There was once a lady making a stew for dinner when she found she had no onions,so with no time to waste she raced to the shops, burst in saying could i have some onions please.The shopkeeper replied sorry lady we are fresh out of onions.The lady said but i really need onions and gave all the reasons why in one big sentence.The shopkeeper said look lady,I`ll put it to you another way and continued to ask her- if you take the o from tomato what do you have? The lady said tomat,Yes said the man and if you take the o from potato what do you have? The lady said potat.Yes said the man behind the counter,now if you take the fuck out of onions what do you have?\"But there's no fuck in onions",said the lady,Yes said the man, That's what I have been trying to tell you.!!
rating: 3.08 of 12 votes
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category: Adult jokes
by: Les be on 18-9-2008
A true story:Harry,Doug and Larry were working for the council pot holeing a road in the country,Doug drove the old Bedford truck while Harry and Larry walked behind and shoveled gravel into the holes on the road,Chatting away about all sorts of things quite a lot of bullshit too we imagine. Next thing Harry says Gee ive got to have a shit,So its hang on Doug,and Harry disapears up behind a log in the scrub on the side of the road. Now the log rose slightly up off the ground and Larry could see Harry`s bare arse appear under the log,So Larry being a bit of a character Sneaks up real quietly and slides his shovel under the log and under Harry`s arse,then sneaks off with his shit!When Harry finished his shit and turned around it was Gone!Totally Bewildered he went back to the truck telling the others that he could have sworn he dropped a shit but when he looked around it was Gone.Doug and Larry never ever let on what Larry did and told the story to many whom has split their sides laughing with tears in their eyes.Blokes have always said that it would have worried Harry if Larry could have thrown some rabbit guts in under Harrys arse!
rating: 2.49 of 10 votes
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category: Adult jokes
by: super woman 17-9-2008
Ok, So superman was flying around on day after he had saved the world."Man that was hard work, Now I need to relax and fuck a bitch." And so he went to the batcave. He walked over to batman and asked, You know any hoes that just want to have sex?" batman looked and replied, "well I heard superwomen wants to have sex." superman looked at him and shook his head,"Well superwomen wants to have sex with EVERYONE" so intern he goes to robin, " Look robin I know your gay and all but do you know any hoes that want to fuck." robin replies, "Well I heard superwomens pretty good." Superman looks and says" Well EVERYONE hears superwomen is good." Pissed superman flies off. While hes flying he passes over a field. He looks down and sees superwomen completly naked with her legs spread. Superman thinks to himself,"I can get in and out in faster than a speeding bullet." So he flies down gets in and gets out faster than a bullet. Back in the field superwomen looks around and says "what the fuck was that?" and invisable man says" I don't know but my ass hurts"
rating: 3.89 of 19 votes
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category: Adult jokes
by: lil jimmy 17-9-2008
There was a boy watching tv with his parents.
A sex scene comes on.
The boy asks what the people are doing.
The mom said "they were just making a cake."
The boy goes"oh yea, i saw u and daddy making a cake yesterday and i Licked up all the icing."
rating: 2.79 of 10 votes
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category: Adult jokes
by: pinkcloud 15-8-2008
Why was the BLIND blonde sitting on newspaper?
So she can lip read.
rating: 2.64 of 14 votes
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category: Adult jokes
by: Kubo 7-8-2008
A woman wants everything from one man.
A man wants one thing from all the women.
rating: 3.2 of 10 votes
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category: Adult jokes
by: Kubo 14-6-2008
A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, the doctor notices a red 'H' on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.
A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue 'Y' on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.
A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green 'M' on her chest. "Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?" asks the doctor.
"No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin, Why do you ask?"
rating: 3.4 of 15 votes
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category: Adult jokes
by: Kubo 18-4-2008
What do american beer and making love in a canoe have in common?
.
.
.
It's fu*king close to water!
rating: 3.12 of 9 votes
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category: Adult jokes
by: Kubo 9-3-2008
During an international gynaecology conference, an English doctor, Dr.
UK,
Steve, and a French doctor, Dr. Myrddin, were discussing unusual cases
they had treated recently.
"Only last week," Dr. Myrddin said, "a woman came to see me with a
clitoris like a melon!" "Don't be absurd, "Dr. UK Steve exclaimed, "It
couldn't have been that big.
My God, man, she wouldn't be able to walk if it were."
"Aah, you English, always thinking about size," replied Dr. Myrddin. "I
was talking about the flavour!"
rating: 3 of 3 votes
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category: Adult jokes
by: Kubo 9-3-2008
Sandy and John were an extremely liberal, though not especially bright,
white couple. Wanting to begin a family, they decided they wanted to
have a black baby, and set to work. Nine months later, the fruits of
their labour was born: a lovely white girl. Pleased but disappointed,
John decided to ask a black man at work why they hadn't parented a black
baby. Realising that John was somewhat sluggish, the fellow took him
aside and asked, "Is your d*ck at least a foot long?" John had to admit
that it was not. "And is it at least four inches wide?" Once more John
replied in the negative. "Well, man, there's your problem!" the guy
slapped him on the back. "You let in too much light!"
rating: 3.59 of 12 votes
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