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jokes: 81 - 90 of 100
category: Religious jokes

This man goes to confession and says, "Forgive me father for I have sinned." The priest asks if he would like to confess his sins and the man replies that he used the "F-word" over the weekend.
The priest says, "Oh okay, just say three Hail Marys and try to watch your language."
The man replies that he would like to confess as to why he said the "F-word". The priest sighs and tells him to continue.
Well father I played golf on Sunday with my buddies instead of going to church.
The priest says, "And you got upset over that and swore?"
The man replied, "No, that wasn't why I swore. On the first tee I duck-hooked my drive well left into the trees."
The priest said, "And that's when you swore."
The man replied, a little testily because of the constant interruptions, "No, it wasn't. When I walked up the fairway, I noticed my ball got a lucky bounce and I had a clear shot to the green. However, before I could hit the ball, a squirrel ran by and grabbed my ball and scurried up a tree."
The priest asked, "Is that when you said the 'F-word'?"
The man replied, "No, because an eagle then flew by and caught the squirrel in its sharp talons and flew away."
The priest let out a breath and queried, "Is that when you swore?"
The man replied, "No, because the eagle flew over the green and the dying squirrel let go of my golf ball and it landed within 5 inches of the hole."
The priest screamed, "Don't tell me you missed the putt!!!"

71.2% like joke (624 votes)
category: D*rty jokes

Jimmy was staring at a dog in the park whilst the dog was licking himself in inappropriate parts and said to his dad, "I wish I could do that."
Jimmy's dad looked down at Jimmy and said, "Maybe if you ask the dog nicely, he might let you!!"

71.2% like joke (617 votes)
category: School jokes

Teacher:(I killed a person.)tell me this sentence in future tense.
Student: In future tense, (You will go to jail.)

71.18% like joke (657 votes)
category: School jokes

One day the kids in Ms. Evans science class was disagreeing with her.
Ms. Evans was talking about evolution. Ms. Evans was and atheist so she didn't believe in God.
Then Johnny raised his hand and said, "But I thought God created mankind?"
Ms. Evans then replied, "Well can you see God?"
"Hear God?"
"Feel God?"
"No." This went on for quite a while.
"Well then God doesn't exist."
Then Johnny whispered back to his friend Jimmy, "Can you see Ms. Evan's brain. No, so that must not exist."

71.16% like joke (640 votes)
category: Retirement jokes

There were two retired men. One of the men said "I feel like a newborn baby,". The other man asked why. The man said, " I have no hair, no teeth, and I just peed in my pants.

71.14% like joke (640 votes)
category: D*rty jokes

A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons.
"I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my privates inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."
The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his privates unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered.
The man stood up again and made another offer.
"I'll pay anyone 100 dollars who's willing to give it a try."
A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar.
A blonde woman timidly spoke up.
"I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."

71.12% like joke (686 votes)
category: Sport jokes

Q: Why did the coach go to the bank
A: To get his quarter-back

71.12% like joke (623 votes)
category: Yo mama jokes

Yore mama so fat she turned a monster truck into a low rider

71.08% like joke (762 votes)
category: One line jokes

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any..

71.06% like joke (617 votes)
category: Kids jokes

Which runs faster, hot or cold?

Hot. Everyone can catch cold.

71.06% like joke (621 votes)
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