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Best 100 short funny jokes based on visitors votes. Please rate funny short jokes by clicking on smiles, so funniest jokes will be also best jokes on our web site!
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jokes: 31 - 40 of 100
category: Bar jokes31.

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink, and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all over the place, eating everything behind the bar. Then the monkey jumps on to the pool table and swallows a billiard ball.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Your monkey just ate the cue ball off my pool table -- whole!"
"Sorry," replied the guy. "He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. I'll pay for everything."
The man finishes his drink, pays and leaves.
Two weeks later, he's in the bar with his pet monkey, again. He orders a drink, and the monkey starts running around the bar. The monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.
"Yeah," replies the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures stuff first."

joke rating: 3.63 of 724 votes

category: Kids jokes32.

What is a bunny's favorite music?

Hip-hop.

joke rating: 3.63 of 988 votes

category: School jokes33.

Teacher: What makes you see?
Bobyjack: My eyes, my nose and my ears.
Teacher: True for the eyes but why for your ears and nose?
Bobyjack: It's to hold my glasses!!!

joke rating: 3.62 of 709 votes

category: Kids jokes34.

Kid threw the butter out the window, he wanted to see a butterfly.

joke rating: 3.62 of 854 votes

category: Kids jokes35.

Q: What is a sheep's favorite sport?
A: Baaasket baaall!!!

joke rating: 3.62 of 978 votes

category: D*rty jokes36.

A cowboy walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman.
He gives her a quick glance then causally looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
"No", he replies,"I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it.."
The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What"s so special about it?"
The cowboy explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically."
The lady says, "What"s it telling you now?"
Well, it says you"re not wearing any panties."
The woman giggles and replies "Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!"
The cowboy smiles, taps his watch and says, "Damn thing"s an hour fast."

joke rating: 3.62 of 679 votes

category: Kids jokes37.

Q: What happens when you feed gun powder to a chicken?
A: Egg-splosion

joke rating: 3.61 of 1011 votes

category: School jokes38.

teacher asked : Why are you late for school?
Johnny: Because of the Sign.
Teacher : What Sign?
Johnny : The sign that says "School ahead go slow"

joke rating: 3.61 of 672 votes

category: Animal jokes39.

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later, there is a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says, "What the hell was that all about?"

joke rating: 3.6 of 710 votes

category: Religious jokes40.

Jesus and the devil were arguing over which one of them was the better computer programmer.
"I am!" Jesus shouted.
"No, I am!" the devil countered.
"I am!"
"I am!"
"Me!"
"No, me!"
"EEEEEEENOUGH!" God bellowed, and the whole universe disappeared into darkness. When the lights came back on, two computers were sitting in front of them.
God said "Now, whoever makes the best computer program in twenty minutes wins."
Jesus and the devil both sat down, typing and clicking furiously. This went on for about 15 minutes, but then there was a power failure, and everything went dark. When everything came back up again, the computer screens were both blank.
The devil tried in vain to get back everything he had lost. He came up empty-handed.
Jesus pressed one key and it all came back.
The devil looked at him in astonishment. "No way! How did you do that?!"
Jesus turned to him and smiled, and said "Everybody knows Jesus saves."

joke rating: 3.6 of 717 votes

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