Here you can find all jokes in our database ordered by rating from best jokes to worst ones. Please rate jokes by clicking on smiles, so best jokes will be also best jokes on our web site!
category: Adult jokes
by: Kubo 26-2-2008
A little boy wakes up 3 nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents room. Finally one morning he goes to his mom and says, "Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noises and when I look in your bedroom you're bouncing up and down on him." His mom is taken by surprise and says, "Oh.. well.. ah.. well, I'm bouncing on his stomach because he's fat and that makes him thin again." And the boy says, "Well, that won't work!" His mom says, "Why?" And the boy replies, "Because the lady next door comes by after you leave each day and blows him back up"
rating: 100.0%
rate:
category: Profession jokes
by: Kubo 27-2-2008
Here is an actual list of aircraft problems reported by pilots at the
end of the day for the mechanics to fix before takeoff the next day
followed by the notes the mechanics left for the pilots to read the next
morning.
(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement
(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire
(P) Something loose in cockpit
(S) Something tightened in cockpit
(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
(S) Evidence removed
(P) DME volume unbelievably loud
(S) Volume set to more believable level
(P) Number three engine missing
(S) Engine found on right wing after brief search
rating: 100.0%
rate:
category: Blonde jokes
by: Kubo 28-2-2008
> The chemist looks at the blonde and says, "Can I help you miss?"
> "I would like to buy some bottom deodorant please," says the blonde.
> "I'm sorry," says the chemist, "we don't have any."
> "But I always get it here," says the blonde. "Do you have the
> container it comes in?"
> "Yes!" Said the blonde, "I will go and get it." She returns with the
> container and hands it to the chemist who looks at it and says to the
> her "This is just a normal stick of under arm deodorant".
> The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from
> the container,
>
> "To apply, push up bottom."
rating: 100.0%
rate:
category: Animal jokes
by: Kubo 4-3-2008
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say: "Jesus is watching you!"
Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. "Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again.
The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot.
The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, then he asked the parrot: "What's your name?"
"Clarence," said the bird.
"That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?"
The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiller, Jesus."
rating: 100.0%
rate:
category: Sport jokes
by: Kubo 4-3-2008
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”
The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”
rating: 100.0%
rate:
category: Professional jokes
by: Kubo 4-3-2008
This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: “Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?”
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: “Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight....”
rating: 100.0%
rate:
category: Adult jokes
by: Kubo 9-3-2008
An Italian and a Greek were arguing about which country added the most to civilization.
The Greek: We built the Acropolis!
the Italian: We built the colloseum!
The Greek: We gave the world advanced math!
the Italian: We made the Roman Empire!
The Greek: We discovered sex!!
the Italian: And we introduced it to women!!
rating: 100.0%
rate:
category: Men jokes
by: Kubo 10-3-2008
MALE LOGIC
There is a man who has three girlfriends, but he does not know which
one to marry. So he decides to give each one 5000 and see how each
of them spends it.
The first one goes out and gets a total makeover with the money.
She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works,
and tells the man, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you
because I love you so much."
The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a
television, and a stereo and gives them to the man. She says, "I
bought these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much."
The third one takes the 5000 and invests it in the stock market,
doubles her investment, returns the 5000 to the man and reinvests the
rest. She says, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future
because Ilove you so much."
The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the
money and decided to marry the one with the largest breasts...
rating: 100.0%
rate:
category: Profession jokes
by: Kubo 12-3-2008
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
rating: 100.0%
rate:
category: Family jokes
by: Kubo 12-3-2008
Deer Hunter
A sportsman, and father of 3 sons, was anxious to share his latest kill
with his family for Sunday dinner. He didn't want his sons to refuse
tasting the delicious venison, so he sat the boys down to dinner without
telling them what the meat was they were about to eat.
"Oh come on Dad," said the oldest son. "What is this meat?"
"Just taste it," said the father, "You will love it."
The boys eyed each other nervously and put a piece of the meat on their
forks.
"Give us a little hint.", pleaded the second son.
"Only if you take a bite.", said the father. As each boy took a cautious bite of the venison, the father continued, "Let me think, your mother calls me this from time to time."
>The oldest boy shouted, "Spit it out boys, it's asshole!"
rating: 100.0%
rate:
New jokes
Random jokes
Add joke
Categories:
